Clean
I am feeling uneasy. I want to put it out there for the universe to take it and wash it away. I think it's the time of year. It's beautiful with new beginnings; emerging greens and flowering trees and then days of rain and the anticipatory fear of a last frost. Highs and lows. Bright memories that come with darker feelings of sadness. Beautiful Aprils followed by terrible Junes. I have a history of them. I am floating in the right direction though, thinking more of the start of excitement and less the beginning of the end. Thinking of laughter and smiles and stories, a lifetime of movies and lunches and Mother's days, birthdays and car rides with Esther, stopping before hearing, once again in my head, 1Q84 read aloud in a parking lot as I (and she) fight against the inevitable. Thinking of a Parisian mouse at my feet in a tiny, old, stone restaurant making life magical and holding in that moment, damming the flow of my thoughts and ending, before tears, with a happy heart.
What a wonderful surprise! When here I was, coming to complain at you on this public forum that I needed more thoughts of yours to keep my engines stocked since lunchtime forays might be a thing of the past. And then THIS was here. Well played, ma'am.
ReplyDeleteAlso? I feel you. It's something like the way the sunlight dapples through tree leaves, painting everything in darks and lights. It's so lovely I want to watch it, or paint it, or write an ode. But it also makes me want to fall asleep for days. Life is too duplicitous sometimes. Everything becomes tainted with everything that came before and everything that came after, in both good ways and less good ones.
Kudos to you for looking to the next chapter.
I was deep into catching up on your thoughts as you typed this, hmmandhuh. Lets not let lunch go just yet. I couldn't bear it.
ReplyDelete